Orientation · Bonus
Two more, when you have time
Not required before you lead. Worth it once your group is running.
These two run 48 and 55 minutes, longer than either lesson. Skip them for now if you are getting ready to launch. Come back once you have led a few nights, because both of them land differently once you have a real group and a real problem in front of you.
Community Is Messy
Your group will get messy. Community is messy because people are messy, and people are what you signed up for. What matters is what you do when it lands.
Ana opens with her own anxiety as a long time leader, which is the most useful thing about this session. Then she splits the mess into three kinds, because most of us throw everything in one box and try to fix it all the same way.
- Sin mess. Someone is living outside God’s best for them. A sin mess gets cleaned up.
- Relational mess. Conflict between people. The long talker and the no talker. A relational mess gets navigated.
- Life mess. The layoff. The bad report from the doctor. Divorce papers. A life mess gets pastored.
Most of what you will hit is relational mess, and most of us file it under sin because the person is not like us. Naming which one you are holding tells you what posture to take.
The seven practices
- Acknowledge the mess. Say out loud that there is one, in the right circle.
- Categorize it. Sin, relational, or life.
- Gain perspective. Look for what God is doing, not only what went wrong.
- Ask better questions. Most of us have the spiritual gift of jumping to conclusions. Questions are the cure.
- Talk to the right people. The difference between gossip and good counsel is usually who you are talking to. Your coach is the answer almost every time.
- Communicate the biblical goal. Walk in with a goal, not a verdict.
- Commit to the process. The real question is whether you will stay.
The back half of the session is scenarios you can practice on, and then how to walk into a hard conversation without making it worse.
Read the whole thing as a page →
Sit with this
Which of the seven practices do you struggle with most?
Creating Hospitable Events
Called Hospitality in Action on YouTube. A conversation between Sarah Neral and Nick Lenzi about building a room people can walk into.
Hospitality is not a production and it is not entertainment. Start with a clean bathroom and go from there. Ask one question before every group night: what is the person on the other side of this experience feeling?
The tangible side
- Send a clear invite. Time, location, buzzer number, and what to bring.
- Meet ahead when you can. A quick hello at church means a new person walks in already knowing someone.
- Expect guests. Set out an extra chair and a little more food.
- Prepare the space. Remove distractions, test the tech, arrange seating so people can see each other’s faces.
- Be ready 15 minutes early, and use that time to connect one on one.
The intangible side
- Eye contact and a smile. Small things that read as warmth.
- Your mood sets the tone. Bring the energy you want in the room.
- Get the group involved. It lands differently when the whole group greets someone, not just you.
- Follow up later with a text. Notice what people share.
- Pray for your guests before and after.
Both matter. Only one of them shows up on a shopping list.
Read the whole thing as a page →
Sit with this
What small changes can you make to create a more welcoming environment?