When to Hand It Off

At some point someone in your group will bring you something you cannot handle. Your role is not resolving that problem or answering that question. Your role is caring for that person and helping them get real help.

Here is how to know when you have hit that line, and what to do when you have.

How serious is it?

Not every problem calls for professional counseling. Some do. Run through these.

1. Do you feel overwhelmed the moment the problem comes to light?
2. Is this a lifelong struggle or something they have fallen into recently?
3. Is anyone in immediate danger?
4. Do the group members seem intimidated by it?
5. Does it come up at group over and over?

If the answer to any of these is yes, talk to your coach. They will help you work out the level and how to proceed.

Hand these off right away

Some problems go to a professional the moment they arise.

• Severe depression
• Divorce
• Eating disorders
• Drug use
• Continued alcohol abuse

If you run into one of these, contact your coach immediately and start getting that person connected to counseling.

You are not their counselor

And you should not try to be. When the group leader becomes the counselor, the group loses its impact. This is everybody caring for each other, not a professional with clients.

Six things to hold onto when it comes up.

1. The greatest thing you can offer is love

1 Corinthians 13:2 says you could have the gift of prophecy, understand all of God’s secret plans, hold all knowledge, and have faith that moves mountains, and be nothing without love.

Pray for them. That is the first move, and getting someone else to pray for them is the first thing you do. 1 Timothy 2:1 says to pray for all people, ask God to help them, intercede for them, and give thanks for them.

2. Come in humble

Do not try to fix it. You cannot fix people. God fixes people. The person is rarely looking for advice. They are opening up their heart for you to know them, not for you to practice surgery.

Listen first. James 1:19 says be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Proverbs 17:28 says even fools are thought wise when they keep silent.

Your willingness to admit you are out of your depth is what opens the door to real encouragement.

When the problem first arises, pray for them and ask the group to keep praying. Then move back into your conversation. Do not try to fix it, and do not let the group try either. Something like this works: “This is beyond what we understand, and our role here is to care for each other. Let’s touch base afterward. But keep praying for _____.”

3. If it calls for professional help, contact your coach immediately

• Get a counseling intake form to the person as soon as possible.
• Follow up and make certain they received it and submitted it.
• If they are unwilling to seek help, bring another member of the group with you and meet with them about it.
• If they are still unwilling, you and the group can keep praying for them. But if the problem comes up again, the suggestion is still that they seek help.

4. Seek the Spirit in it

As you pray for the person, ask God what he wants to say to them. Spend real time in prayer before you answer. Truth on its own is not enough. Wisdom is truth at the right time and in the right place. James 1:5 says to ask our generous God for wisdom, and he gives it without rebuking you for asking. Colossians 1:9 is Paul praying the same thing over a church, asking God to give them complete knowledge of his will along with spiritual wisdom and understanding.

5. Speak God’s word, not your opinion

If the situation does not call for professional help, let the group speak into it. But speak God’s word rather than opinion. Our confidence in our response comes from scripture, not from what we think. Hold your group to the same standard and do not let them offer an opinion without backing it up. When Jesus answers Satan, he answers with scripture.

Fill your mind with scripture so you have something to say in these moments. Psalm 119:105 calls God’s word a lamp to guide our feet and a light for our path. And talk to people who know scripture better than you do. Your coach, the pastors.

6. Do not let the problem consume the group

• If it keeps arising, pray for the person but stop speaking into it.
• If they are in counseling, pray for the counseling.
• If they are refusing help, keep pointing them back to it.
• If they are working through it, pray for them and ask for a quick update.
• Once the group has prayed and been updated, move on with the conversation.
• If the person keeps bringing it up, talk with them outside of group about caring for the whole group and letting everyone be part of the conversation.
• If it continues after that conversation, set up a meeting with your coach and the person to talk through next steps.

Do not be a hero

You can never be too careful with a difficult situation. Do not try to make it alone. Seek advice any time you are even remotely unsure. That is what your coach is for, so take advantage of it. It is all about loving and caring for the group.