Hoboken Grace · Dinner Groups
Thinking About Leading?
The honest version of what we would be asking of you.
Most people who would be great at this talk themselves out of it first. Usually because they are picturing something bigger and heavier than what we are actually asking for.
So here is the real version. What the commitment is, what you would actually do on a Tuesday night, and what happens when someone brings you something you have no idea how to handle.
10 weeks
That is the ask. Not a year, not forever. Groups start a couple weeks after Labor Day and run about ten weeks, which puts you right around Thanksgiving. Then you decide what is next.
- You find out if it fits your life. Not in theory. With your actual calendar, your actual work week, and everything else you already said yes to.
- We find out if it fits too. Though if we are talking to you about this, we are already not worried about that one.
- Your group finds out if it gels. Sometimes the chemistry takes and sometimes it does not. That is not a failure, and it is not on you.
Around week six we check in and talk about what you are thinking. No pressure in either direction. Ten weeks is long enough to be real and short enough to be honest.
What you would actually do
You are the person who makes sure the group happens. That is the job.
You are not the person who has to do all of it. Most people picture themselves running every discussion, having every answer, and carrying the whole night on their back. That is not the picture. The best leaders hand things off. Someone else brings dessert. Someone else takes the questions this week. The more your group owns, the more it actually becomes theirs.
The part that matters most is smaller than you think. When someone signs up, you are the name they see and the person who reaches out and pulls them in.
You are not the expert
Your role is encouragement. That is the whole thing.
We have people with M.Div.s. We have a care team and trained counselors. You do not have to be any of that, and we are not asking you to be.
One of the most encouraging things you can say is, I am not sure about that, let's go find out together.
If someone tells you their marriage is falling apart, nobody expects you to fix it. You say that sounds really hard. Then you walk them over to the counseling center, or send them the intake form, and a week later you ask how it went. That is it. That is encouragement, and it is worth more than an answer.
We can carry the hard part so you can be the encouragement.
What people actually worry about
“I would feel like a hypocrite.”
You are exactly who we want leading. A leader who can say this one is hard for me right now, can you guys encourage me, is doing the thing we are hoping for. That is not a disqualification. That is the point.
“What if I cannot make it some week?”
Take someone with you. Not a co-leader, a safety net. Someone you can text when work keeps you until nine, who can run the night without you. They do not have to be there every week. We are completely comfortable with this.
We are not big on co-leaders, and here is why. When two people are equally in charge, both tend to assume the other one has it. If you do want to share it, we ask for a 51 and a 49, not a 50 and a 50.
“What if the group does not click?”
That is one of the three things the ten weeks is for. Some groups take right away and some never quite do. It is not a mark against you and it does not mean you read it wrong.
“I travel for work.”
That only becomes a problem if you would be gone more than about half the time. Otherwise your safety net covers the weeks you miss.
“What if someone brings me something I cannot handle?”
Send it to us. Our rule is simple. If it goes beyond what a friend would do, escalate it. Care, counseling, a theological question you would rather not answer on behalf of the whole church. That is what we are here for, and you are not expected to speak for us.
You are not leading alone.
What it costs you
3 to 4 hours
per week
- Leading your group. About 2 hours.
- Getting ready for it. About an hour.
- Time with your people when they want it.
- One leader gathering a month. 1 to 2 hours.
On whether you have room for it, here is how I think about it. Say everyone gets three points. Leading a group is two. Greeting on Sunday, check-in, connection points, simple service, those run about one each. So a group plus one other thing is realistic for most people.
A group plus something with real prep behind it, like teaching Grace Kids or worship team, is a lot. Some people pull it off. It has never been the expectation.
A few practical things
- You pick the day. Monday and Tuesday fill best. Wednesday gets harder. By Thursday people have forgotten Sunday's message. Friday sounds like a great idea and never is.
- Groups meet in Hoboken, Jersey City, and online. Online works well when getting to a room is truly hard. Moms without childcare, unpredictable hours, living out past Newark. It works less well as a convenience.
- Groups launch three times a year. The third week of September, the third week of January, and the week after Easter. If this fall is too much, January is a real option and not a consolation prize.
- You get a coach. A volunteer who has led groups, meets with you through the season, and is good at the troubleshooting calls.
If you are still deciding
Come to an orientation
Two hours, free, and there is no obligation to lead a group in order to attend. Plenty of people come just to find out what this is. Both dates run 1 to 3pm in the conference room at 409 14th Street.
Or just talk it through
Email us a few times that work for you and we will set it up. Ask whatever you want. No commitment attached to the conversation.