Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
A C.A.R.E. guide for walking with someone living with sickness or chronic pain
Sickness and chronic pain put real emotional and physical stress on a person, and it shows up in their quality of life. It also gets missed in brief interactions, or goes unnoticed altogether.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for friends and group members living with sickness and chronic pain?
About 50 million Americans are living with sickness and chronic pain. According to the CDC, chronic pain and illness exist in epidemic proportions here in the US.
Sickness can be temporary, from an infection or a disease. It can also be chronic, which is known as chronic illness.
Chronic pain is ongoing physical discomfort severe enough to disrupt normal activity and everyday life. The most common causes:
Both sickness and chronic pain contribute to high levels of negative emotion and depression. Chronic pain can also have a long-lasting cognitive effect, wearing down the nervous system over time.
Sickness and chronic pain affect every part of a person’s life. Their relationships, their work, their faith community and what they believe, and their ability to do normal things.
Your friend, family member, coworker, or group member may not want to acknowledge their sickness or chronic pain at all. Other times they may want to talk about what it is like to live with it. Pay attention to when they are open to the conversation and when they would rather skip it.
Sometimes what helps most is validation. Something like, “This must be a really difficult season for you.” Then do not hesitate to ask:
Be available just to listen. Give extra grace as they move through a range of emotions, highs and lows, a sense of loss, and the struggle of a new normal.
Tap a verse to read it.
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.
New International Version (NIV)Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
New International Version (NIV)And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
New International Version (NIV)Let them say, think, and feel whatever they are carrying right now. You cannot fix this. Most chronic pain can be managed, not healed. Give them room to just be while they are with the group. Understand that your group member is most likely asking themselves these questions:
Introduce them to others who have been through something similar, in their own bodies or in the life of someone they love. And connect them with the Hoboken Grace Care Team if they are looking for support or care.
Suggest they talk to a health professional about their sickness or pain if they have not already. Suggest a counselor who can offer a listening ear and coping skills for this season. And suggest these books:
Pray for them, and ask God for chances to share his love and hope with the friend, family member, coworker, or group member living with sickness and chronic pain.