Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
Helping a Friend Through the Highs and Lows of Relationships
A C.A.R.E. guide for celebrating and supporting a group member through the joy and stress of relationships
Whether it is the excitement of getting married or the stress of a frustrating friend situation, relationships bring out the best in us and the worst.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for group members walking through the excitement or the stress of the relationships in their lives?
C · Crisis: Understanding the Stress of Relationships
Getting married, moving in with new roommates, or dealing with family can bring joy and stress into our lives. Relational joys and stressors are inevitable because we are human.
Pastor and author Pete Scazzero says the highs and lows of our relationships are often shaped by a person’s emotional health. Here are the symptoms of someone who may be struggling emotionally and relationally:
- Defensive or blaming
- Low self-awareness
- Anger or fear
- Self-absorbed
- Addiction
- Dishonesty
A · Application: Practical Suggestions for Caring
Celebrate with the group member who just got engaged or started a new relationship. And keep an eye out for the group member who is relationally stressed. They may be stressed if you notice any of these:
- Cynical comments about the people in their life
- Speaking negatively about their family
- Getting a little more intense around holidays and vacations
- Putting more energy into an after-work social hour than into their actual job
- Seeming distracted and distant
Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is tell your group member how they are coming across.
- You seem a little stressed about the holidays. Is everything ok?
- You seem a little defensive. Is something bothering you?
- You seem a little distracted. Is there something going on that you want to talk about?
Be available just to listen to your group member talk about their excitement or their stress. Hold back your own wedding planning story or relational stress unless they ask, or unless it fits the moment.
R · Reference: What Does the Bible Say About Loving Others?
Tap a verse to read it.
Matthew 22:37-40 · Loving others is a command, not just a suggestion
Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
New International Version (NIV)1 Corinthians 13:4-7 · How to love others
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
New International Version (NIV)1 John 4:17-19 · Why we love others
This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
New International Version (NIV)E · Engage: Next Steps for Engaging Your Group Member
A few minutes to celebrate with them at the start or the end of your day. A listening ear over coffee or lunch.
If they are getting married, connect them to the Hoboken Grace Merge Class or Financial Peace University. If they are struggling and could use outside perspective, connect them to the Care Team.
TODO(nick): Do the Merge Class and Financial Peace University still run at Hoboken Grace? The source guide names both. If they are current, send me the links and I will link them here. If not, tell me what replaced them.
Send them the link to listen to Hoboken Grace online as a way to take the pressure down.
TODO(nick): What is the current link for listening to Hoboken Grace online? The source says to share it but does not include a URL.
Pray for your group member and for the relationships they are carrying.