Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
Helping a Friend Through Imprisonment
A C.A.R.E. guide for walking with someone facing a jail sentence or the incarceration of someone they love
Sometimes a friend, a coworker, or someone in your group is convicted of a crime, or has someone they love serving time in jail.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for the people in our group facing a jail sentence or the incarceration of someone they love?
C · Crisis: Understanding the Stress of Imprisonment
The incarceration of a loved one brings emotional, mental, physical, financial, and relational stress.
Being separated from someone serving time leaves ripple effects that last, in private and in public, for everyone involved. That is on top of whatever stress or trauma came before the sentence.
Understand that people and families living through this carry a heightened sense of these emotions every day:
- Guilt
- Anger
- Loneliness
- Resentment
- Embarrassment
A · Application: Practical Suggestions for Encouraging
Your group member may be under a lot of stress about this and too embarrassed to talk about it. They are most likely worried about:
- What people think
- Personal loss and the loneliness of being separated
- The effect on the rest of the family, especially the kids
- Money and job security
- Confusion, anger, or a sense of betrayal about the conviction
Group members often want support while they try to look strong and independent. A few questions you can ask:
- Is there anything I can do to support you and your family?
- What would help you most right now?
- How can I help with what you have going on this week?
Be available just to listen to your group member talk about the situation. Hold back your own take on it.
R · Reference: What Does the Bible Say About God’s Response?
Tap a verse to read it.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 · God knows the future
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
New International Version (NIV)Psalm 34:18 · God is with you
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
New International Version (NIV)Joshua 1:9 · God gives us strength
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
New International Version (NIV)TODO(nick): The source cites Jeremiah 29:11-14. I quoted 11-13, the same wording already on the Job Loss guide, and left verse 14 off. Do you want 14 added? I will confirm the NIV wording first.
E · Engage: Next Steps for Engaging Your Group Member
Offer empathy and concern, and do not judge. If your group member has a loved one in jail, give some grace. They are not the one convicted of a crime, and it is hard to be in this spot too.
Send a card, leave notes, drop off a small gift.
Send them the link to listen to Hoboken Grace Online, or hand them a copy of What on Earth Am I Here For?
Suggest the Hoboken Grace Care Team if they want help, resources, or support.
Pray for your group member and for their loved ones during this time.