Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
A C.A.R.E. guide for walking with someone through a divorce or separation
Divorce and separation are never easy.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for the people in our group living with the anger, pain, and loss of divorce and separation?
Whatever the reasons, divorce and separation touch every part of a person’s life. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, and for some, work too. Knowing the stress and the emotions your group member is carrying is a good place to start.
An article in the Huffington Post describes five emotional stages of divorce, close to the stages of grief:
Your group member may be carrying a lot of stress about the divorce even if they say they are happy or relieved to move on. Watch for:
Group members often want encouragement and support while they are trying to look strong and independent. A few questions you can ask:
Be available just to listen. Let them talk about the pain, the anger, the sense of relief, and the stress of the whole thing. Hold back your own divorce or separation story unless they ask for it. Hold back your biblical stance on marriage too, which can do more harm than good if they are not following Jesus.
If your group member is making unwise choices in this season, say so kindly. Something like, “I am concerned about you. The choices you are making do not seem like you. Are you doing okay?”
Tap a verse to read it.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
New International Version (NIV)Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
New International Version (NIV)TODO(nick): Confirm the NIV wording for Ephesians 6:10-17. I left the verse body blank rather than quote eight verses from memory. It is also long for a toggle. Do you want to trim it to 6:10-11?
Offer empathy and concern. Hold back on advice and on your biblical stance on divorce. What helps most right now is a friend who encourages healthy decisions.
Connect them to a friend or a dinner group at Hoboken Grace who understands the heartbreak of divorce or separation, or to a counselor you trust. The Hoboken Grace Counseling Center is a good place to start. Their email is counseling@hobokengrace.com.
Send them the link to Hoboken Grace Online as a way to take some pressure off.
TODO(nick): Three of these guides say to share “the link to Hoboken Grace Online” and none of them give the link. What URL should go here?
Suggest they reach out if they want pastoral care, help financially, or another kind of support.
Pray for your group member and their family in this new season.