Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
Helping a Friend Through Death and Grieving
A C.A.R.E. guide for walking with someone who has lost a person they love
Whether you are young, old, rich or poor, death is part of our lives.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for the people in our group who are grieving someone they love?
C · Crisis: Understanding Death, Loss, and Grief
Losing someone close is one of the biggest stressors a person goes through. It is also one of the clearest chances you will get to show up for a group member.
Grieving is part of healing, and healthy grieving takes a community. Grief also gets heavier depending on how people around the griever react.
Grief experts Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler describe five stages. Know them, because you will see them:
- Denial. This is not really happening right now.
- Anger. Why me? Is this my fault?
- Bargaining with God. Take this away and I will do whatever you ask of me.
- Depression. I cannot think straight and I can barely get out of bed.
- Acceptance. I am letting myself be sad, and I am starting to find peace.
A · Application: Practical Suggestions for Caring
Your group member may be struggling if you notice any of these:
- Forgetfulness
- Exhaustion, physically drained
- Withdrawn and lonely, crying bouts
- Loss of appetite, or eating and drinking to excess
- Taking on a demanding schedule to avoid the subject
- Physical distress like headaches, chest pain, an upset stomach
Sometimes we skip past grief because we do not want to make it worse. Asking is almost always better than not asking.
- How are you doing today?
- How can I support you this week?
- What are you missing most about them today?
Be available to listen when they want to talk about it. Be present when they do not.
R · Reference: What Does the Bible Say About Death?
Tap a verse to read it.
Psalm 147:3 · Jesus cares about our broken hearts
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
New International Version (NIV)1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 · Jesus gives us hope inside grief
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
New International Version (NIV)Romans 12:15 · It is good to grieve alongside your friends
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
New International Version (NIV)John 11:33-35 · Jesus grieved too
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.
New International Version (NIV)E · Engage: Next Steps for Engaging Your Group Member
Offer whatever you can actually do. Meals, laundry, pet care, a ride, help with travel arrangements. Send a card so they know you are thinking about them, with a small gift card for coffee or groceries. Something like:
So sorry to hear about your loss. Just want you to know we are all here to support you. Here is a little something to help you get through the week.
Our Care Team walks with people through exactly this.
Suggest they come to a Hoboken Grace service with you, or watch online together.
Helping Those in Grief: A Guide to Help You Care for Others by H. Norman Wright.
The worksheet at dinnergroups.com/grieving walks someone through grieving a loss with God, in three steps. Send them the link when they’re ready, not in the first raw days.
Pray for your group member, for their family, and for the new normal they are walking into.