Hoboken Grace · Care Guides
Helping a Friend Through Caregiving
A C.A.R.E. guide for walking with someone caring for an aging parent or loved one
Some people in your group are the primary or the backup caregiver for an aging parent or someone else they love.
So how do we C.A.R.E. for the people in our group carrying the stress of caregiving?
C · Crisis: Understanding the Stress of Caregiving
Caregiving is one of the hardest roles a person can take on. More than 40 million Americans are family caregivers, giving daily unpaid support to an aging family member.
Caring for an aging loved one takes a heavy toll on the caregiver and on the whole family. The pressure is emotional, financial, and it hits work too. Caregivers often quit their jobs, retire early, or take a leave of absence.
Here is what the research says about caregivers:
- 75% say caregiving is a source of pride, because they are making a difference in the life of someone they love
- 74% say their job is affected
- 69% say caring for a loved one is the biggest source of stress in their life
- 60% are worried about what caregiving will do to their savings
- 58% give more than 10 hours of care each week
- 42% spend well over $5,000 a year out of pocket
- 27% are in the sandwich generation, caring for their kids and their aging parents at the same time
- 1 in 4 say family relationships have suffered because of caregiving
- 3 in 5 share a home with the person they care for
TODO(nick): These caregiving stats came over from the original guide with no source and no date. Do you want to cite where they came from, or cut the list?
A · Application: Practical Suggestions for Caring
Your group member may be grieving the life they had before caregiving started. They can move through the same five stages of grief:
- Denial. My parents will get better soon.
- Anger. Why do I have to be the one to take care of them?
- Bargaining with God. Release me from this, God, and I will do whatever else you want me to do, just not this.
- Depression. I am so sad, frustrated, angry, and disappointed that this is my life now.
- Acceptance. I am at peace with this new phase of life, and I will care for my aging parents the best I can. It is what it is.
Sometimes group members want empathy and encouragement. Your questions can help them think ahead, or think outside themselves.
- How is your mom or dad doing today?
- What is it like taking care of your parents? Is that hard?
- What can I do to support you?
Be available just to listen. Let them share whatever they want to share, including stories about their parents, now and years ago.
R · Reference: What Does the Bible Say About Caregiving?
Tap a verse to read it.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 · This is just a season
Matthew 11:28-30 · God sees us when we are tired and worn out
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
New International Version (NIV)Philippians 4:10-13 · God gives us strength
TODO(nick): Confirm the NIV wording for Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and Philippians 4:10-13. I left both verse bodies blank rather than quote them from memory.
E · Engage: Next Steps for Engaging Your Group Member
Give affirming, positive feedback. Do not assume you know how your group member feels, because you do not. Give grace and encourage them.
Get together in a way that gets them out of this season for an hour. Morning coffee, or lunch with friends, where the conversation is light and funny and interesting.
Suggest a counselor if they are really struggling or want an outside perspective. Invite them to come to a Hoboken Grace service with you. And if they like to read, give them a book:
- The Caregiving Season: Finding Grace to Honor Your Aging Parents by Jane Daly
- While They’re Still Here: A Memoir by Patricia Williams
Pray for your group member, for their aging parent, and for the details of their caregiving situation.